Hospital Dream

I had a letter arrive yesterday afternoon from the hospital and I now have an appointment next week for my Ultrasound scan it’s on Thursday afternoon so I am going to have to change the appointment I made with the Therapist who is meant to be here on Wednesday. I don’t need to try to know that the result will be that I don’t have the energy to manage both in the same week. I am still on the recovery slope from the appointment I went to 8 days ago. I haven’t had an Ultrasound since I was pregnant, I know they use them for a lot of things these days and that the quality of the picture has improved greatly, so I suppose it is a good way for them to examine the outside of my digestive system, I think it is mainly to scan my gallbladder and pancreas but I will find out when I get there. It is always unsettling for any of us to have to go through tests, but ever since the MRI that was happening for a different reason actually found I had MS I now almost expect them to find something that they aren’t looking for, well at least I know they won’t discover I’m pregnant, that is one of the few things I can be sure about.

I suppose that it is human nature to always worry that they will find the worst possible thing when ever they are running tests on us. I don’t know how many times I have managed to find some deadly disease on line that isn’t actually what I have, it is so easy to do and the best reason for not self diagnosing there ever was. If you add on to that the fact that every time I have had something worth noting, it has always been something I didn’t expect at that time, or as in some cases like my Fibromyalgia, I hadn’t even heard of it until I was told I had it. This problem has been going on now so long, that I am way past worrying about the worst possible things. I was worried until I went to the hospital last Friday and the fact both Adam and I came away believing that the Doctor agreed in principal that it is my MS causing it all sort of settled my mind. It is actually a little mad as I really didn’t want to hear that it was just my MS, I really wanted to hear that it was something that with a small operation would fix. Don’t get me wrong I am no fan of operations, I have had a few over the years, but when you are chronically ill it is a wonderful dream that just one part of it can be fixed. To have something removed from the equation, would just be unbelievable.

Oh well I can dream and who knows maybe after the scan they may call me in before the appointment I have already in November because it is clearly a fixable issue.