Dealing with my pain

My left leg today is killing me at times so I am writing, I don’t want that other MST tablet that is sat looking at me from my meds bowl. It’s there ‘just in case’, but I have cleverly not set a line of what ‘just in case’ is. I don’t know when ‘just in case’ is reached, where the point is that I can’t cope without taking it. It just being there is a crutch, a reassurance that if ‘just in case’ happen I have help. A bit silly but also a bit sneaky at the same time.

Pain is part of me and there is no way of getting rid of it as long as I put the need to live above it. Yes, I could get rid of it completely but I would stop living, I would be the Zombie that specter in the corner of my brain that I never want to be. Pain makes me analyze what I have, what I want and what is possible, when did you last do that? Just as relaxation techniques can put you back in control I have also found distraction of the mind is an equally as good method. Well it is the only part of me that when alone and not having to talk actually works, I wish I could explain that one and believe me I have thought about it a lot.

I found myself wondering earlier how much of my time I now spend reading, reading tweets, blogs, online information sites and so on, I couldn’t come up with a number but it is most of my waking day is now spent sat here at my PC writing or reading. From the news last night is sounds although the world is at it now, no longer talking to people but using tweeting, text, sms and social network sites to communicate not just with friends they have made that way but with their own families, even when they are in the same building rather than talk they text. It left me with the stupid image in my mind of a big Christmas dinner with all the family there just texting to each other.

From when I was born to now the world is hardly recognisable in what friends and family are and what they mean to us. I hesitate these days to call them families in some respects, they a spread round a building doing there own thing, rather than sharing real time with real conversation and real feelings. Yet on the other hand they communicate more as cost is a smaller factor than ever before, you don’t think about sending a text to a sister or brother who don’t live in the same house, a situation when I was child meant walking to the nearest phone box and it was expensive when you got there. But more likely though you would have had to go and see them, then spend time with them ,as most hadn’t a phone in their home. Take this to it’s furthest possibility and I see a very lonely old age or if you are disabled, a really lonely life, if the recognised caring way to contact your relatives is to text them, were is the human contact.

I find myself thinking about things like this, I suppose I have the time now which before being housebound and working I didn’t, it is also a distraction proses, letting my mind wonder and taking my mind off the things happening right now, that I can’t change. Some of the things I see out there in the world I am no longer part of, horrify me, I think if I suddenly somehow had my freedom to wonder, I wouldn’t recognise what is there and I am not sure if I wouldn’t run straight home again in horror at the way people treat each other. Yes I have more time than others but it doesn’t take time just be nice to people, to take a second longer to be polite and courteous. On twitter there are people who react to me as though I am a wonderful alien, they seem to see me as rare species all I do is be nice, be polite, be a human being with feelings who cares about people and the world we all live in. Shouldn’t we all be like that?