I put a lot of thought yesterday into the events of the last few days and I think I am at least making more sense of what is happening with my left leg. One of the problem that I have increasingly notice over the coarse of this year is that my left foot has dropped more than it was, say last year. Foot drop is a common symptom of MS, it is a slow process that means that the muscles don’t hold the foot correctly in a normal position, it is still really mild compared to many I have seen but I do know that it has worsened. I can no longer take a single step correctly. As I start the lifting of my foot it start to twist so that the outer side is not closer but slightly pointing toward the floor, that sound terrible but it isn’t, it is just difficult to describe if you haven’t seen it before. It is probably better to say that the left side of my foot is tilted towards the floor and instead of taking as you would, a straight step there is now a sort of flip action to lift my foot so I can then put it to the ground again. That of course means that my weight and style of stride is different, putting pressure on my joint and muscles in a different way. This clearly is going to aggravate the wasted muscles and hurt those that are no normally used, result pain. Two reasons which on there own, would explain why my leg is hurting, add then the normal MS spasms and there is more than enough reasons. I do admit that it worries me a little as I know it is just slowly doing more and more damage but once a foot has dropped there is no getting it back. I used to spend hours flexing and forcing it in to the right position in the hope that it would help, but nothing changed.
The muscle damage caused by MS isn’t the same as just by not using it, when the correct nerve command isn’t getting there, it isn’t getting there. That is a cold hard fact and all the exerciser in the world will do nothing other than cause even more muscle fatigue and that makes everything worse. As I said yesterday I try not to use my stick as I usually land up hurting my shoulder, but I also land up encouraging muscle wastage. I can also see with ease, how using mobility aids also causes problems that were not there without the aid, think about it.
There is another thing though that is making my leg worse and is probably at the route of the whole thing, incontinence. Six months ago I probably had to get off this seat ten times in a day, and those spells on my feet were very limited, straight to the kitchen and back to my chair. Now getting a drink also involves going to the loo at least once, but normally twice to clean myself, every journey is more than double the length it was before and means more painful time on my feet. I of course don’t only mess myself when standing I can just be sat here and know that it has happened again and there are even more visits to the loo. Ever since my bowel control has been causing problems I have also had increased problems walking and more pain in my legs, it fits together, which OK is good to have put together something that helps me to understand but it doesn’t do anything to make me feel better or have less pain.
I had trouble sleeping again last night, usually I go to sleep in seconds but I lay there for about 20 mins and couldn’t sleep because of my leg and I went and got the extra tablet, I could see no point of just getting more tired than I was already. The result though is once again I haven’t had as much sleep as I needed and I don’t feel great again this morning. When I was really tired again last night I had a problem getting out of bed, I guess it is just like any problem that is part of MS, but this morning it wasn’t easy, but I also didn’t struggle as much, that one is a wait and see I suppose. I have also resigned myself, in my mind only, to the possibility that one day I will need a hoist of some sort to help me, but as I said I have only planted the seed, it is a long way off the having it brought in, and miles away from asking officially for help. All of these things are a step by step and it is actually really hard and painful to take those steps in your mind, just as it is for my physically to walk, the comparison is clear.