Stranded

Well the fog goes on and now the pain is rising as well, it looks like it is going to be one of those weeks. As yesterday drew to what should have been the relaxing end thing started going wrong, my left leg didn’t seem at that time much worse than usual but by 7:30 when I closed down my PC and went to sit beside Adam for the rest of the evening, the lower half was agony. I had taken my MST and other meds at 6:30, so I should have been fine but clearly I wasn’t. Each time I got up it was worse and by 9:00 even sitting was difficult and painful to do. I went to bed just after the News ended, pain makes you tireder it just wares you down minute by minute, but on the flip-side sleeping is impossible, you have to be exhausted before it is possible, I have learned over the years that there is this point when no matter how bad the pain is, you sleep. I have also learned that trying to sleep before that point is reached, is impossible, there is no point just lying there in agony. Finally the balance point was reached and I went to bed, within minutes I was asleep despite the pain. This should have been the end of it and I should have slept, letting the leg rest, hopefully waking well not refreshed and not pain free, but back to the level I can live with it.

I was up at 1am, I woke with such pain that I didn’t know at first how to get out of bed, I tried to roll myself think I could swing my legs then and get up, it didn’t happen, I couldn’t get onto my right side, I twisted my body, still with my back on the bed and pushed my top half upright, from there it was easy. I tried again and made it to standing, headed to the loo and then into the kitchen I didn’t care what the Doctor wanted me to do with reducing my MST I took another 10mg, sat in the living-room and had a couple of cigarets, while I waited for it to take over. Adam fetched my walking stick as I knew the pain was still bad enough to stop my walking with any ease. I find my stick is a mixed blessing as it lets me take the pressure of my leg, but the price is pain in my shoulder. I slept the rest of the night but I woke ahead of the alarm at 7am, my left leg again was painful but about equal to the right, so not as bad as earlier, I was still tired and thought I would roll to my side and snooze until the alarm went off, I couldn’t roll to my left side, I just couldn’t do it, there was no strength there with which to manage its. I couldn’t reach with my right arm the headboard with which I thought I could accomplish the task and I couldn’t do that either. At that point if I had managed I wouldn’t have slept how was I stuck on my back again unable to do anything about it with any ease or elegance.

Clearly I did it, but the fact I had been stuck in my bed twice in 6 hours is running around in my head. I am trying hard to work out which muscles you use to accomplish the action of getting out of bed and which were the ones that aren’t obeying me. I’ve known for the last couple of months that the slope is downwards only between the ongoing incontinence, the increased pain and the more frequent fog, well mist until yesterday, that I’m not doing well, getting stuck with a simple thing like getting out of bed, wasn’t on my possibility list. How long before I can’t get off my chair or the settee, yes I have had more problems doing those as well. Mobility is one thing, being stranded is another. I guess I have a lot of thinking to do and considering what the next step is, I really have to make more notes as to what and when I am stuck and what I might need to help me. As you will know by now I don’t jump into change with ease, I always need time to plan, to be at settled with the thought and solution. So here goes, the start of a plan for a quickly arriving future.