Awkward Invitation

I have started out on a new adventure and I’m actually looking forward to this encounter with Facebook far more than my personal page which I still 6 months later never quite finished. Facebook never seem of an interest before I started to see writing now as part of me rather than a nice little hobby, stepping that line and taking it seriously has changed a lot. I still have the original Facebook page but I wanted to have a page where I could link together writing and twitter, adding a cross over point. I discovered that they have something called a ‘Fan‘ page where unlike the other section allows a totally unlimited number to join in the page adding comments and so on. On Twitter I do somethings that aren’t reflected here I tweet Quotes and my thoughts attached to shout-outs with nearly 9000 followers there I am hoping that what I am setting up here will bring you all together, plus more. As I have said many times my goals in writing are to reach as many as I can and I really hope that this will help with those goals. The web address is in the banner above and I would be happy to see you all there.

I still at times can’t believe how much I have done and how much my life has changed in just 8 months, and I am proud of my achievements so far. If I could wave a magic wand and give every person who is housebound or chronically ill in this country, a computer or smart phone and introduce them to Twitter and blogging I would. It is a new world that has amazed me time and time again. Before I involved myself in all of it I thought I was doing well to manage my illness and life, but I also felt as though what I was doing was a little wasted, as I had had no help in everything I did and had to work through it all by myself, great for me, but what about everyone else. Those who aren’t as pig headed as me, who couldn’t find words to tell others what it was like, what I have learned is there a loads who are lost in the messy reality of life when coping with a progressive illness, it is unfortunately no matter how many friends or family you have a solo path. Only those in the same or a similar position can really understand. My goals are widening all the time and I am for now, strong enough to cope and continue.

I have planned and installed on this PC a system that means if it should happen that writing is to much I will still be able to post by making video instead, my life plans have been extended and changed. I have a point to be here, it may not pay but it does mean my voice will be heard when ever someone needs it and finds it. That is one of the most difficult things about something being progressive and no one being able to say well here at the dates, that you won’t be able to walk after or you eyesight will be too bad to read, if you had an idea to when something should happen then you can plan for that thing, but planing anything has been impossible for years. When I was still going into the office to work I would be invited to attend some evening event, drinks a party or even a wedding reception, the only answer I ever could give was I can’t tell you until the day. You can’t say yes to anything because you don’t know if you will physically up to it at that time. I missed so many things for that very reason and some just got stroppy and say the want an answer there and then. so I had to say no, so I didn’t let them down. It’s actually really hard to disappoint other people continually because you have no choice, especially when you have to see them the next day at work, especially as you look OK just as you did when you left the office the evening before, you can see they feel as though you just could be bothered. There is a flip side to that as well, it is the invitation that is extended to you with the words, ‘I wanted to invite you but I know you probably won’t be there’, almost as though they aren’t inviting me at all. It is a difficult one all round, avoiding it is impossible as socializing is very much part of our world, but when you can’t which is better, the host to be insulted by your none appearance and possibly hurt as it feels like a snub by you, or they feel awkward as they want you to go but tell you not to, or you to feel disappoint by not being able to go, embarrassed by looking fine but having not gone, snubbed by no invitation in the first place or not feeling welcome as they don’t expect you to be there. It is a mine field and I never found the safe path, I was going to feel bad what ever happened.

I really do hate disappointing people, it is a little like that now with all my one line activities, I don’t want to disappoint anyone, I don’t what to say I will do something and then not do it. I think that is why I have taken each step slowly, settling into it before adding something else. If you want to know well you will just need to keep reading 🙂