I surrender

I am sure everyone has been where I am this morning, one of those many many point in life where all that keeps going round in your mind is ‘what did I do to deserve this’. That thought has been there since a little after midnight last night. I had stayed up late as Adam had gone to see his aging Aunt just outside Dundee, with his mother and sister, so I wanted to see him before I went to bed. At around 10 he arrived home and we chatted for about an hour, I had had a really good evening my pain at a comfortable reduced levels, in fact from around 2 o’clock yesterday things slowly improved, I decided to stick to the dose of 70mg of the MST when it came to my time to take my evening dose. I actually for the first time felt reasonably good, when I decided to go to bed, I did feel a little nauseous as I lay down, but it settled and slipped in to sleep.

At 1am I was up, I made it just to the bathroom and threw-up, that was the first of 4 emergency visits, all with the added problems of being a double incontinence. The final return of food amazed me as I was actually bringing back peppers, I ate them over 12hrs before for lunch? On top of that not at any stage last night did I have the normal acid taste and what returned look very much as it was when I ate it? I learned a little as well, my MS has played with my eating process for a long time, food sticking on the way down, and choking are normal, I discovered it all so does the same coming back up. I would say without doubt that the bacon I ate as a treat at 5:15 yesterday evening, along with the eggs and fried onion had something wrong with them, I would put money on the problem being the bacon. If things this week hadn’t been hellish enough I really didn’t need a stomach bug on top. I clearing everything up for the final time at and returning to bed at around 2:45, hoping that I could then sleep and rest the muscles in my legs that screamed at me every time I tried to launch myself on to them and when I allowed my weight to fall on them in haste once I arrived where it was safe to be sick.

This morning I still feel a bit icky, but I have eaten half a slice of dry bread and I have taken my tablets, as you would expect there wasn’t much sign of them dealing with the pain first thing or overnight, but sitting quietly here at my PC I think the worst is over, finger-crossed. My poor guts have been attacked in every fashion possible in the last few weeks, I think they really need a rest, today I am going to eat little and take great care in my selection of food. I haven’t taken my fluid meds as I would say I am a little dehydrated, fluids will be a friend today rather than an enemy. Although I know nausea is one of the possible side effects of MST, I truly believe this is food positioning not my meds. I am no stranger to nausea, through out all my treatment for MS I have had spells of it, most I expect are due to the mix of med, but absolutely none have made me actually throw-up, that’s why I am not jumping on the MST as the cause. I have a plain and simple case of food poisoning.

I suppose that will teach me to eat what isn’t good for me. I knew we had cooking bacon, basically the left over bits not pretty enough to sell at full price, I had spotted that there was amongst it, what I would call ‘Yorkshire Bacon’ really thick fatty slices. Not considered these days as good eating and I would have usually cut off the fat and diced it to use in various dishes, but I slow fried it along with some diced onion, a couple of mushrooms and topped it with 2 fried eggs, a splodge of tomato ketchup and old fashioned heaven on a plate, well almost a nice pigs kidney and some black pudding would have made it even better. The modern faddy eaters just don’t understand what they miss when they look at old fashion meals and turn their noses up at it.

Today is going to be a play it careful and rest day, once I stop feeling that little bit sick I will be happier, I don’t think anyone likes being sick and I am included firmly in the avoid it at all costs.