Last night I found myself on line at a time of day that I usually spend with Adam, he had come home form work then gone to the chemist with my prescription which had arrived that afternoon. Unfortunately the Oxycontin wasn’t in stock so he will be picking that up this evening, so another day of not knowing how to sit stand or move. When he came home I unpacked all the meds, two carrier bags full, they were all sat on the kitchen unit looking like a weeks shopping, rather than the medications by one person just to get thorough life. During the winter we spend more time together than in the summer, understandably he likes to go out on his bike a couple of times a week, partly for the exercise and partly because he enjoys it. Other than that the exercise he enjoys is working out in the kitchen with his weights, that was his plan for the evening so he set about unpacking his bench, weights and accompanying regalia. I knew it would be at least an hour before I saw him again so I booted up my PC.
I found a desperate sounding message from a lady who doesn’t have MS but is chronically ill, I felt helpless and couldn’t think of a way to help her at first. When a close friend spills out how they feel, it is easy to answer as you know how they think and how to trigger the questions that make them start to think there is a way out, but someone who is a total stranger made me scared that I might push the wrong button rather than any of the right one, but I couldn’t do nothing either. I made a decision that all I could do was give some of the advise that is here in the pages of my blog, but bite sized. I found myself writing one line that I don’t know where it came from but after thinking about it, it felt right. I normally would say learn everything about your own illness and get to know it, but this time it came out as learn to love your illness. It is a sort of knowledge that is love, it’s like the loving your neighbor, you have to live with the thing you like about them and the things you hate. You learn what upsets them and what they like, what makes them happy and what makes them angry. There is a strange emotional bond to an illness and in many ways I think that is how you learn to accept and even to a degree love it.
This morning as soon as my PC was ready I went straight to the Twitter DM from the night before and I was delighted to find she was fine, in fact really quite bright, so my words and worry wasn’t wasted. The more I am writing and publicising my work, the more I am being asked for advise, I guess all I can do is what I did last night, read their words and answer from my heart.