There are days when the world seems a bigger and brighter place. No I’m not trying to be sweet or cutesy, but those days when for no reason there is a general good feeling about the new day. Being ill doesn’t mean you have to be depressed and or depressive. I can see how some people get drawn down and find themselves drowning in pain, grief and self pity, I am not saying any of that in a nasty way, just as a fact. I like all others, went through spells of all those feelings before I found my own understanding of my illness. I really think it is unfortunate that there is no way of stopping people from reading everything they can about what they believe their illness is until you have a full diagnosis, naturally we all would have questions, but all that is achieved by reading, is panic and fear. Once you have a name and a basic understanding from the doctors, then is the time to start learning, you can them find the facts without mentally adding in thing that are not relevant.
I am not sure when my attitude changed towards having MS and accepting it, acceptance is vital, until I accepted what I had, and what was ahead I couldn’t move forward with the rest of my life. I think that acceptance started when I gave in and started using my wheelchair. When sat in it there was no way of denying I was ill to myself or any that saw me. That along with the report from the psychiatrist that there was clear cognitive problems and damage to my frontal lobe, pushed me to start find the way through it all. Working with my MS rather than against it, I suddenly found that it actually wasn’t the end of life and I just had to put in the effort needed to plan out how to deal with what I couldn’t now escape.
I know it sounds odd to others but I have to say becoming housebound in a way was a blessing. Without the pressure and stress of the outside world I found peace, a peace I didn’t realise I needed. The space, calmness and quite, has brought out a less stressed and nicer person, without other people pushing and demanding things of me, I can actually be me. To anyone reading this I would actual recommend that if they have holiday time available to take two weeks, to just stay at home, I do mean at home no shopping, going to friends, just stay at home. It is more relaxing than any holiday abroad or anywhere else. Tell everyone you are abroad, so there are no phone calls or internet contact, make your home a retreat and relax.
I don’t like the word content, as that sounds to simple and wishy-washy but there isn’t another word for it. Today the world looks a brighter place, because I am content.