Before you read this I want to make it clear that I don’t suggest anyone out there should play about with your medication without talking to there doctor first. Point made so OK you can now read on.

Anyone who has a chronic illness will tell you that at times you get really fed up with the routine of having tablets run your life, at times I just want to throw all of them in the bin and live a drug free life. It isn’t that I don’t think I need the tablets, powders and liquids, it’s more that I question if I actually need them all and wanting to know how things would be without them. I don’t want worse pain, believe me, I really don’t need it to get any worse, it just I know all the meds I take have side effects. After being on constant medication for the last 12 – 13 years, I can no longer remember what “normal” feels like. There is also a nagging doubt at times as to whether or not what I am feeling is due to my illness or my medication. I have never come off all of them, but over the years I have played around with them, stopping one or another for up to a couple of days, in nearly every case I have rapidly found out what they do and that I need them, in most cases I have usually managed to go a few hours without them, the only exception to that was a drug I was given that was meant to keep me a wake, Modafinil.

I was told and read that it is used in the military to keep soldiers awake and alert over a long period of time, at first it was great and did what it said on the leaflet, slowly the effect diminished and the dosage was upped, then a third time. After nearly 6 yrs of use I found that within half an hour of taking it I could still go to sleep. I stopped taking it without talking to the doctor and nothing at all changed, there were no effects at all by coming off it and I didn’t feel any change in my tiredness. That proved to me that not everything I was taking was needed and I now rightly questions there purpose and result constantly.

I find it increasingly funny when I get a new med to read the side effects leaflets and compare them to each other, if I had all they reactions that are possible there is one of two places I should be right now, flat on my back asleep or so wired that you would need to scrape me off the ceiling. I don’t know if I am right or not but I wonder sometimes if the fact they don’t have any extreme adverse effect is because I do really need them. All though I read all the leaflets I am never scared by them, my belief is that as long as I am aware, if anything odd happens I can them talk to the doctor.

I know that the number of drugs will probably increase and there strengths will be increased, my future is clearly always one of medication, but just as I can not be 100% sure if a pain is from my MS or my Fibro or something else, I am never going to be able to know if a symptom is from my illnesses or from my drugs, nor will I know what drug free feels like.

6 thoughts on “Medication

  1. I do know what you are talking about. Even though I am on just a few meds. I have just changed a med back to one I was on first as I dont liike how the new one made me feel. and bp is still managed with out the sleepiness the new one caused. There a will some I will have to take but for now I will take as least as possible Hugs to you xxxx


  2. I understand your need to “test” the drugs that you are taking to ensure that they are doing some good for you. I’m not sure if it would be reassuring or disheartening to feel an effect from the reduction of a tablet.


  3. Once you have been on a large number of meds for a long time it’s just harder to be sure if something is a new reaction to a med or a new symptom. Luckily these days there are a large range of meds available but that does mean a large number to try until you have the one right for you.


  4. I understand what you are saying but if you have and adverse reaction then it just proves you need it, if you have no change at all, then may be it isn’t the right drug any longer or you don’t need to take it any longer, which is good in many ways. When your condition is Chronic, you are going to be ill for ever, all you can hope for is to not be worse than you are at this second, so the way you view things changes.


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