Before you read this I want to make it clear that I don’t suggest anyone out there should play about with your medication without talking to there doctor first. Point made so OK you can now read on.

Anyone who has a chronic illness will tell you that at times you get really fed up with the routine of having tablets run your life, at times I just want to throw all of them in the bin and live a drug free life. It isn’t that I don’t think I need the tablets, powders and liquids, it’s more that I question if I actually need them all and wanting to know how things would be without them. I don’t want worse pain, believe me, I really don’t need it to get any worse, it just I know all the meds I take have side effects. After being on constant medication for the last 12 – 13 years, I can no longer remember what “normal” feels like. There is also a nagging doubt at times as to whether or not what I am feeling is due to my illness or my medication. I have never come off all of them, but over the years I have played around with them, stopping one or another for up to a couple of days, in nearly every case I have rapidly found out what they do and that I need them, in most cases I have usually managed to go a few hours without them, the only exception to that was a drug I was given that was meant to keep me a wake, Modafinil.

I was told and read that it is used in the military to keep soldiers awake and alert over a long period of time, at first it was great and did what it said on the leaflet, slowly the effect diminished and the dosage was upped, then a third time. After nearly 6 yrs of use I found that within half an hour of taking it I could still go to sleep. I stopped taking it without talking to the doctor and nothing at all changed, there were no effects at all by coming off it and I didn’t feel any change in my tiredness. That proved to me that not everything I was taking was needed and I now rightly questions there purpose and result constantly.

I find it increasingly funny when I get a new med to read the side effects leaflets and compare them to each other, if I had all they reactions that are possible there is one of two places I should be right now, flat on my back asleep or so wired that you would need to scrape me off the ceiling. I don’t know if I am right or not but I wonder sometimes if the fact they don’t have any extreme adverse effect is because I do really need them. All though I read all the leaflets I am never scared by them, my belief is that as long as I am aware, if anything odd happens I can them talk to the doctor.

I know that the number of drugs will probably increase and there strengths will be increased, my future is clearly always one of medication, but just as I can not be 100% sure if a pain is from my MS or my Fibro or something else, I am never going to be able to know if a symptom is from my illnesses or from my drugs, nor will I know what drug free feels like.