No quite roadkill


I woke early this morning, it doesn’t happen that often as usually my meds and my MS hold me a almost comatose state until the alarm wakes my at 7:30, it doesn’t matter what day of the week it is I always make myself get up at the same time. You would think that with me always being tired and not having a job at the moment, that I would allow myself to lie in or sleep until I wake. That would be asking for far more trouble than it is worth. I have found that there is one simple thing that helps to keep myself reasonably steady is routine, if I break it I am in trouble. So waking this morning and see the time was only 5:30, I tried to go back to sleep.

I had woken because I was in pain. No matter what position I tried to lie in, I couldn’t find any way that was comfortable. My gut must have been feeling left out form the early morning activity so it joined in the make it impossible to sleep game as well. I know when I’m beaten so I gave up and got up.

Now I am out of routine and the fog is starting to turn to custard again. I knew this would happen as a break in routine and lack of sleep is the perfect breeding ground for confusion to form, I am already flitting from one page to another and trying hard all the time to look only at my keyboard. I started at 6am, trying to sort out all the bits and pieces I do each day and trying to do them quickly, all the time fighting with the original pain that woke me. I had to wait for the right time to take my meds, as again they are set times I take them, some of them are slow release so taking early might help at that point, but it sets a problem for later.

I’m sure that part of the reason MS dislikes change is clear and that is fatigue. If you think about it anything that you do that is out of the ordinary, usually involves using extra energy, the extra energy that I don’t have. I have a day ahead of me which I have to fine over 2 hours more energy from somewhere. Experience has shown me that it is a mistake to sleep longer in the afternoon as that can at time mean I go to my bed later, so I have to tough it out today as it really is the lesser of two evils.

I daily have to in my head keep track of what I have done and what I still need to do. That includes simple things like how many times I have to go to the kitchen to get a drink or go to the loo, things that without MS aren’t even thought of as using energy, but they do. I think the picture above sums up nicely the way I feel today and now that this is done I have the rest of the day to practice my zombie act and sit here quietly twitching with spasms and shifting custard.