Sometimes it is all too easy to find yourself putting things off, letting yourself be side tracked, just taking a second to put the dishes away before…., empty the bin then….., you know. We all know. If there is anything that has to be done that you don’t want to you don’t do it until you have to. Well I have added a new pony into that circus tricks. I have actually caught myself preforming this trick and it amused me at how we adjust and utilize change.
It’s a simple trick and yes it starts with a deliberate side track but follows with the joyous forgetting, I was deliberately trying to trigger my short term memory to forget. The real bummer is, it actually had the opposite effect. I had of course started to analyze my action and the constant running thoughts had made sure I had remembered. What fascinated me was the fact I had somewhere in the back of my brain, come up with the idea in the first place. I had totally without thought worked out how to turn a negative into a positive, even if that positive was purely for the deception of myself. This of course in itself is worrying, as what else have I managed to convince myself just happened by chance, when I actually made it happen. That is the real problem of short term memory problems, you don’t remember them and the potential for turning it into a spiral of actions is enormous, you can get dizzy just thinking about it, I already am, or am I just dizzy by nature.
It has fascinated me over the last few years the tricks my mind does play on me and how I don’t spot them until much later or ever. I know on many occasions Adam has told me about something that at first I have no memory of but as he builds the story it triggers me mind to find it. Like everything else in MS some days my memory is better than others, one of the coping methods I was told to use, has never worked for me. I was told that if for example I went into a room, then couldn’t remember why, I should then stay there doing nothing until I do. Well I tried, but I just couldn’t manage not to do something else, I would always spot something silly like an ornament out of place, that needed fixing, once I had moved I would then be off, unable to re-track even far enough to start trying to remember. I have just accepted that not knowing what I’m meant to be doing is part of my life and Adam has taken up the role that my brain has given up on due to lesion overload. He almost daily reminds my of simple things like that the glass I had just filled, isn’t in my hand but still in the kitchen. No list or note pad can work as unless your notes resemble a novel, they will make little to no sense. There is only one strategy that works all the time and that is don’t worry about it, accept it and laugh about it and if your like me, analysis it.
I haven’t forgotten about updating news on Teressa’s work, we are still waiting.