Small blessings

Form my living room window, with my glasses on I have a view of Glasgow that fits to the size of the rest of my world, limited. I was sat on the settee watching ‘Country file’ last night, I need to wear my glasses as otherwise my cleaver little right eye would fuzz up everything, a huge advantage on some of the programs transmitted, but I wanted to watch this one. I only need my glasses for distance so I don’t normally wear them during the day. Someone must have opened or closed a window as there was a flash of sunlight as it bounced around the street then settled. I looked out from the room for the first time since the longer daylight hours had begun and spotted something I haven’t seen for years. This is going to sound just a bit silly but I saw a train.

Before I became housebound I really did need my glasses changed but like so many people I just kept putting it off. I have never driven and I didn’t need them for much so it wasn’t high on my priority list. Then it happened, I couldn’t get to the opticians, over a four year period I had slowly been able to see less and less, I stopped even putting on my old glasses as they too had lost their ability to help. I couldn’t see anything written on the TV screen unless I was 2 feet from it, I had actually got to the stage that I brought a stool through from the kitchen so I could sit close to it and program the shows to record. I drove Adam nuts asking him to read out thing on screen as getting up on down wasn’t and isn’t that easy. I could see so little that I saw no point on sitting with Adam on the settee as I relied more on my hearing than my eyes to follow a TV show. Right now sitting at my PC I do the same, the TV is on and I call it watching, but it’s not, it just so happens that my radio has pictures on it. I really thought that I was slowly being condemned to moving into a almost blind world and I worried how much of my eyesight was going to vanish, yet I could do nothing about it.

My knight in shinning amour appeared one day at the beginning of October last year. I can’t remember what program was on all I know was they spoke about mobile optician, it took me less than 10sec to Google and to my surprise their they were and even more surprisingly there was at more than one in Glasgow! With in the week I had new glasses. A male optician and a young girl came to the house with all their kit tested my eyes and it was simple and quick. When the glasses arrived I spent most of the day wondering round, looking out of windows and being amazed by what I could see. Best of all I could sit with Adam and I could watch a program with him and I do mean watch.

Winter arriving meant the closing of the curtains before sunset so my evenings on the settee were evening of darkness, yesterday it was light and it was the first evening I had been sat there when the train passed by, it is too far away and there are trees and houses which mask completely the sound,so it passes by unheard, I had actually forgotten that it ran anywhere near the house, so spotting it through the trees stunned me for a second. I stood up and went to the window and really looked out, up and down the street, across the river at the trees and on through them to the large expensive houses that most dream of living in, I was at that moment just happy to see them.

So many things are parts of us and our lives that we simply forget they are there and yet we use them daily. I know that my right eye is of little use now, apart from some tiny clear areas that I see clearly through, but those spaces are closing all the time. Glasses correct my left eye for now but of all the things that MS could do to me that is the one I fear the most. A few years ago I woke up one to find that my left eye was worse than my right, no clear areas, just total fuzz. I sat here at my PC making the possibility of seeing anything less probable by crying. It took a couple of days to start coming back to normal and a few more to return fully. Just like my left arm, I take it as a warning of what the future will bring. In some ways I am glad that both have shown me what can happen as I am now more equipped to deal with it and appreciate more how great it is to have them working almost correctly now.