Reconnecting through friendship

Last night I sat here for just over an hour with tears rolling down my face for most of that time, every time I got them under control, within seconds they started again. No nothing terrible had happened, I wasn’t in the most uncontrollable pain, in fact it was 100% the total opposite. Those tears were very special as they were tears of relief, happiness and joy. Only days away from it being 13 years and I was again connected with and talking to my friend Tracey.

We spoke for just over an hour and both of us cried and both of us laughed, I felt strangely as those missing years in our friendship where just another part of my bad memory. Yes both of us have changed to look at, but I would have recognised her, even with the blond disguise if we had somehow been in the same room. It was easier for me as Tracey was of course preloaded with the information about my health and more than I had thought as she hadn’t found my by chance, I had got that all wrong. My great piece of detection work, had detected a fairy story in my head, not the truth and it was a truth that made total sense when I was told it. The miracle was nothing more than my wonderfully interfering daughter. Teressa had read the piece I wrote about Tracey and had done a bit of detection work herself, me being me when I went looking for Tracey ignored the obvious that she and her daughter were in clear sight, I thought the normal changes of surname that women go through would mean that the names I had would be wrong. Teressa found Tracey’s daughter in seconds. She sent a long email with the link to my post and left it there to see what happened. Tracey emailed Teressa back wanting to know just how ill I am in case she would need to come to Glasgow, once that was settled in her mind she emailed me.

A few messages back and forward later and with my suggestion of a Skype link and we found ourselves face to face again and the connection wasn’t just made by the web, but it was rekindled in both of us. It didn’t really take us too long to fill in the missing flesh and to start reliving shared memories. I don’t think we actually talked for that long, well not like the all night conversations we used to have, I think it was just over and hour but my stupid MS got in the way. A combination of emotional drainage and the fact my meds were over due and I was exhausted. There were so many silly things that we touched on and important news re our girls, who when young were close friends too and yes we spoke about why she vanished on me. I had to put my mind at rest that it wasn’t something I had or hadn’t done, with that gone and the facts explained I let it go as I can’t stress enough that it actually no longer matters. Both of us have both grown up a lot and made such divers and individual lives that it seems impossible that years could so quickly and easily be wiped a way. Both of us shared self preservation doubt, before we spoke that was clear, but both of us I hope have totally put those behind us, as we talked about, we have always known that the other would never intentionally hurt, betray or expose the other to anything that would cause them harm.

Right now I am again crying but with nothing but joy and through those tears I am looking at a frame of picture of me taken years ago. They have always been special to me, they have always hung by my desk and they will always, not just because they are actually good pictures but because Tracey took them! The one below is even more special than she may remember. It was the photo I sent to the radio station along with my demo tape that let me try the move from venue DJ to Radio DJ, but even more important it was the only picture of me that Teressa had in New Zealand when her Dad stole her away from me, that he didn’t manage to get hold of and destroy. It is also a picture which I have found and know is in several places on line already, so without knowing others know she’s a photographer even thought it was the other end of the lens she preferred at that time:)

DJ Pam

Taken by MY FRIEND TRACEY on one of the many night she came to work with me round the DJ venues in Glasgow.