A problem, a moan and a fact

I am generally very good at remembering to take my medicines at the time I am supposed to, well to be honest my body will remind me to quite forcefully if I should forget. There is one exception and I am supposed to take it in the morning every second day, it’s part of the treatment for my now defuncted bowel. I think even people with good memories would have a problem with this one, but with my brain there isn’t a chance that I will manage. I have loads of so called coping strategies that I have tried ever since my memory started to live a life of it’s own, but none are full proof and all are forgettable. There is one big problem with every system that the designers seem to have forgotten themselves and here it is. If you are busy at the time the reminder gets your attention it is human nature to say to yourself ‘I’ll do that in a minute’ and of course in a minute you forget. There isn’t a full proof system and believe me I’ve tried them all, including Adam!

I have thought in the past about trying to come up with solutions to loads of the problems that I have encountered over the years and I have actually come up with quite a few. MS like many other illnesses is always changing and what might be the biggest problem today may not be a problem at all in a month. I did at one point waste a lot of money buying gizmos and sourcing items to help, that are now hidden away just in case I need them at some point in the future but I have no use for right now. Memory being one of them, I have personal organizers, Dictaphones, alarms, medicine dispensers, books with strategy guides, the list goes on, some helped, a bit, all cost money. Like everything else in life there is someone somewhere waiting to make money out of you and illness is no exception.

For the past few days I have had extremely painful legs, it is a common recurring problem and one that I have learnt the only thing that really helps are constant changing of position, rest and painkillers. Now think about it how do you keep changing position and also rest, MS is a monster. It has been about 4 weeks since I called the Rehab team in to see if we could find any new solutions rather than just increasing the level of morphine but they have still come up with no answers. I knew but didn’t want to admit it that even before I call in Rehab that there is only one solution and only one way that my life is still and will go is for me to be more and more reliant on drugs. This is a fact it is the reality of where I am and what is happening, it isn’t a call for sympathy or scream for help. I have Relapsing Progressive Multiple Sclerosis and I will never get better, I need to re aline my thinking to the simple fact it has changed and to stay ahead of it I have to accept those changes.