To infinity and beyond

I really am getting better or at least leveling out, as although I don’t actually feel fitter in myself, I have started making plans and working on ideas. A really good sign. The past week I have felt like doing little other than sleep or vegetable mode, right OK I know that isn’t politically correct but neither is MS and as it is my final destination, I think I am allowed.

Adam has returned to work today with his double checking that I am OK before he headed out. I don’t know what he thinks will happen just because he isn’t here. I am well past the stage of being too pigheaded for my own good, I no longer have a mad turn and pull the ladders out of the cupboard so I can wash the ceiling. There is a point I am sure in all illnesses that you have to simply accept some limitations and stop pushing yourself to the limit and beyond.

In the past I have found myself sitting at the bottom of ladders confused by my position, as I was sure I was at the top. Pulling myself across the floor searching for something that I can climb up on, as the floor that I was cleaning turned into a human magnet and I can’t get off it and even sitting on top of the kitchen drainer working out how to get onto the floor again, as I had been standing on it to clean the window.
No longer do I try to reach, bend, stretch, climb, run or dance they all always land in disaster. I had to take the hint eventually but Adam seem to think I still do loads of silly things I shouldn’t. I am no more invincible than do I need to be wrapped in cotton wool.

Taking your time to plan though simple things actually makes you realise just how stupid you have been in the past. I’m sure we have all in our lifetimes, instances we remember with a cringe at our own stupidity. When you have to remember what you actually can do, you start to see things very differently. Everything that took no thought, now becomes a long embedded equation with factors like fatigue, energy reserves, flexibility, pain levels and more. I expect I probably would be very good at risk assessments these days, a health and safety dream.

Looking back over my life I think the silliest thing I ever did was to run away from home when I was 12. The reasons why I ran at this point are not important, what is was the fact that aged 12 I managed to be missing for nearly 3 weeks and I hitched all the way from Aberdeen to Stratford-Upon-Avon via Wales. I had taken some money with me so I wasn’t sleeping ruff I had been staying in Youth Hostiles, using my own name, just a different date of birth, but still I wasn’t found. It was a school friend that I phoned one night who told them where I was. I still wonder how I managed to find nothing but helpful friendly people where ever I went. My family must have gone through hell, while I was having a great time. I took lifts in cars, lorries, with anyone who would stop for me. The first day I made it to Edinburgh, I still remember feeling fantastic that night, no fear of anything and planning my adventure that was supposed to take me to London. Now I am so glad I didn’t make it, what could have happened if I had managed to disappear into the millions who lived there I have no idea.

If only the innocence of a child was the true picture of life, the world would be a wondrous place to be. Mind you it’s not that dull a place just as it is.

Living in a limited world (an introduction)


The truth of our worlds?

I started writing this blog in 2011 on another site that is now closing. So here I am complete with the past and heading into a future I am happy to share with you. I suspect like everyone else when they start to blog, they believe that it will just be a few lines every now and then, the truth for me has turned out to be something else completely. I write daily, so this is a full and detailed account of living with chronic illness. The symptoms and what they do to me, not just physically, but emotionally. The impact on everyday life, not just for me but my husband, and of course, on our marriage. I am now in my 50’s, but I was just 21 when my story really began, although it took nearly another 20 years for the doctors to work it out.

When I was a child, I thought a good life meant that the sweetie jar was always full, and no one told you when to have a bath. It’s odd how life just takes hold, and nothing is ever what you first believe it to be. I chose the picture above, to sit here, as it is all about belief, it’s truer than most think it to be when they first look at it. Take a good look, then ask yourself honestly, which is your view of people with chronic illness? If it fits any but the last, well prepare yourself to see that side and more, as I hold no punches, and you may find out things, you don’t really want to know. But unless you read, you will never understand and understanding, is such a small thing to ask, and that is all I and others with a chronic illness really ever ask for, a little understanding. My blog is a picture of my life, there are happy, sad, funny, painful moments, lessons I learned and things I’ve discovered. If you leave here with nothing else, please leave with a touch more understanding at the least.

Relapsing Progressive Multiple Sclerosis took over my life and slowly, I found myself housebound, with a list, an ever growing list of conditions. My collection is a list as long as my arm, the more they really looked, the more they really find. Being housebound isn’t an easy place to be at first, but with a little time and planning, it has become my sanctuary, where I live and live well. I am happy, I am more than happy, yes, you can enjoy life just as much as ever, and still discover new things about yourself, and others, without leaving your home. If you follow me on Twitter, you will know that my bio has one strong and true statement within it ““Being housebound is no worse than being earthbound”” It’s time for you to understand that statement, please enjoy reading my daily blog.

If you really want to start from the very beginning, well follow this link for some not so well-written entries, yes they do improve, I learned to write along the way: My first post from January 2012