Today is one of those days and I once again I am screaming at myself silently and drying the tears. I’m drained of physical energy and my mind is cold, still and blank, giving me the feeling that I’m not here. I’m just a numb speck inside a ball of pain and fatigue.
I have been taught so many so called coping strategy that are all well and good on the surface but in practice, time wasting and useless. I suppose the most frustrating of my challenges, yea as corny as it might sound, I really do think of them as challenges not problems,the most frustrating has to be my short term memory.
Everyone of us have found ourselves in a room with no idea why, but ten, fifteen times a day when you are trying hard to save energy is enough to at times, have me in tears. When I am on my own I have tried writing notes and taking them with me, or not as I found, I kept having to come back to my desk to find it or on more than one occasion, I have discovered it in my pocket. Some times in the bathroom as I thought to save energy I would go there first. When Adam is here, I look round the room quickly to see what I can do in that room to justify my going there. It turned out I am kidding me not him, failure either has the tag of ‘Do you want me to get your drink?’, the drink appearing with him, or him just reminding me. Strategy one, totally dead.
Repeating the task in my mind over and over until I achieved it. Nope doesn’t work! Repeat and repeat until something catches my eye or my brain just decides to track over to something else, or Adam speaks to me. Strategy two, totally dead also.
The ultimate strategy and the only one that really works. Just accept that I will loose and waste both time and energy on loads of trips to the kitchen/bedroom/bathroom for any and every reason, that wasn’t the original one.:D